Last week, I was staying in Brooklyn, and there was a little food market right next to my hotel. Every time I walked by it, I'd start ruminating.

I was taking an improv intensive at UCB, spending the week with the same 20 people in my class. From the outside, I probably seem extroverted and confident, but I don't always feel that way. Almost every time I'm around a new group, I ask myself the same questions on repeat:

"Is this too much? Am I too much?"

I love connecting with people. Within a day, I'd started a group chat for the class and was already making plans and sharing resources with everyone.

The class itself was intense and challenging. Most people had never done improv before, so it felt daunting. Early in the week, I noticed the food mart had these cute little cupcakes and thought, "Maybe I'll pick some up before class one day!"

That's where the rumination started. I thought buying cupcakes was cute, but I also worried people might find it weird, or too much. It's silly to say, but showing up with 24 mini unicorn cupcakes can feel vulnerable. My brain went straight to the worst case: what if no one ate one? Would I look silly, like the cupcakes were too sugary, too cheap, or just not good enough?

They were tiny baby cupcakes. Not a big deal. But still vulnerable.

I sat with it for a few days, and I kept asking myself: why do I want to get these cupcakes? What am I hoping to achieve? (As someone learning to not be a people-pleaser, I often question my own motives.)

Then I realized it wasn't about people liking me more, or even about making friends. I had zero expectations. It's nice when people bring treats, and I want to be the kind of person who brings them.

These small acts are part of who I am, and it doesn't matter how people respond. Worst case, I wasted $15. I hope people are happy, but if they're not, I'm still proud to be the person who brings the cupcake, because that's who I want to be.

At the end of the day, it’s not about cupcakes. It's about whether we’re okay being vulnerable and offering something up that people may take or leave, and whether it matters enough to us to do it regardless of how people react.

Whatever your version of the cupcakes is, keep showing up as yourself, because it matters to you, and that’s enough.

Till next time!

xx, Pame